


Crab Legs and Kung Fu

by Lemon (lemon_sprinkles)



Series: Downtown Eastside [10]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Bonding over being too cool, Cute, Downtown Eastside, Family Dinners, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff, Kung Fu, M/M, Mother-Son Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 21:58:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11953470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemon_sprinkles/pseuds/Lemon
Summary: In a bid to get on Kaidan's father's good graces, Shepard agrees to a family dinner-- albeit begrudgingly and with no small amount of complaining. Entering into the dinner with more than a little trepidation, Kaidan is forced to watch as his father and partner navigate their unsteady relationship all for the sake of him. But a hidden commonality between the two breaks the ice, and makes way for something closely resembling a truce...





	Crab Legs and Kung Fu

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnnaRaven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaRaven/gifts).



> Written for the lovely AnnaRaven who requested: "I'd kinda like to see an awkward family dinner at the Alenko homestead - that last chapter of DE got me thinking about how exactly Sasha and Shepard got to a place where they're more or less comfortable with each other. It put the idea in my head of a dinner where they're all trying for Kaidan's sake and realise gradually that actually they do kinda like each other after all."
> 
> Of course I couldn't resist writing what I love writing best: awkward shit.

 “Do you think I should wear a tie?”

 Kaidan glanced over at Shepard standing in the doorway with all of Kaidan’s ties in his grasps, the ends dangling from between his fists like snakes. He was still only half dressed, his shirt unbuttoned and slacks without a belt, but other than that he looked perfectly presentable.

 More presentable than his usual attire which typically encompassed an old t-shirt, a pair of jeans, and shoes that had scuff marks the size of Australia on the toe. Which was a good look, at least in Kaidan’s modest opinion, but he was certain his father wouldn’t appreciate it the same way Kaidan did.

 But he also wasn’t sure his father would appreciate a tie, either.

 “I’m not wearing a tie,” Kaidan said. Standing, he approached Shepard and grabbed a tie.

 “Yeah but your parents already like you. You don’t need to impress them,” Shepard mumbled.

 “Hey now, my mum likes you.” Kaidan tried to smile reassuringly, but Shepard was having none of it.

 “And it’s not your mum who can throw me in jail because I didn’t wear a tie.”

 Kaidan wanted to protest but knew it would be futile. He was pretty sure his father wouldn’t arrest Shepard for wearing the wrong clothes over at his house for dinner, but he was only _pretty_ sure and not entirely sure.

 It had been well over a year since everything had gone down—from the revelation that Kaidan was dating a known gang member, to the incident on the docks, and finally to his father somewhat accepting the fact that Shepard would be an ever present pain in his ass so long as he wished to maintain his relationship with Kaidan. For a few months after things had settled Shepard stayed well away from the Alenko household. Kaidan’s mother would come and visit the two of them at their apartment, but as far as his father was concerned, Kaidan was living alone and that Shepard fellow he occasionally spoke of was just a ‘good friend’.

 But as time passed and the reality that Kaidan was serious about spending the rest of his life with Shepard began to sink in, both Shepard and Kaidan’s father agreed to meet. Their first few meetings were spent at busy parties and backyard barbeques, the two sharing a quick handshake before they would depart into their respective corners, within each other’s space but easily ignored and forgotten.

 But this was their first big dinner together—just the four of them sat all around a table, no escape from awkward conversations and threats of arrests.

 Kaidan would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous. Both his father and Shepard had a tendency to say and do stupid things, and he wasn’t really sure who would stick their foot in it first.

 “I think I should wear a tie,” Shepard said, breaking Kaidan from his musings. “I’ve seen it in movies and shit—like where the boyfriend comes over to meet the parents and he’s always wearing a tie. It makes a good impression, right?”

 “Yeah, sure,” Kaidan said. He plucked a red one from the mix and tossed the rest away. He wrapped it around Shepard’s shirt collar and began helping him tie it.

 “You should wear one too,” Shepard said.

 Kaidan quirked a brow. “How come?”

 “Because I’d look weird being the only one wearing a tie,” Shepard said. Or more like whined.

 Kaidan didn’t protest despite wanting to. Shepard was trying his hardest and like damn Kaidan was going to make him feel bad for it. It had taken days of convincing and reassuring just to get him to agree to the dinner that he didn’t dare spark another round of insecurity by fighting him about a tie.

 Finishing up with Shepard, Kaidan grabbed a black one for himself and put it on, noting Shepard was already tugging at his.

 “This was a bad idea,” Shepard said, voice tight. He was clenching his jaw already.

 “It wasn’t a bad idea,” Kaidan replied.

 “Easy for you to say. You’re not going into the fucking slaughterhouse like a goddamn lamb ready for the… for the slaughter.”

 Kaidan rolled his eyes and grabbed Shepard’s hand, dragging it away from the now loosened tie.

 “You’re going to be fine,” Kaidan said, tangling his fingers with Shepard’s. “We’ve got my mum on our side, we’re going to be having crab for dinner, and my mum stocked up on scotch, so, you know, if things go south we can just send my dad off with the bottle and let him mope in his study. It’s going to be fine. _You’re_ going to be _fine_.”

 Shepard sighed. “I still don’t know how to eat crab out of its shell.”

 “I’ll help you,” Kaidan said, hiding his smile with a cough.

 Shepard rolled his eyes. “So now your dad will think I’m a fucking idiot on top of a criminal. That’s just great—impress the guy by getting food all over my fucking tie and stupid fucking shirt while you clean my mouth with your napkin—”

 “John.”

 “What?”

 Kaidan kissed him—slow and sweet. When they parted he rested their foreheads together, using his breathing to steady Shepard’s own. Eventually Shepard began to calm, the tremble in his hand and the stutter in his breath evening out.

 “I don’t want to do this,” Shepard said quietly.

 “I know.”

 “But I will because I fucking love you. For some reason.”

 Kaidan chuckled. “Thank you. It means… it means a lot.”

 Shepard pulled away and cleared his throat. “We should get going.”

 “Yeah, we’re already late,” Kaidan said, glancing at his watch.

 “Oh great,” Shepard cried out, “now I’m late on top of being covered in fucking crab meat!”

XX

  “—and so she asked the man if the asparagus was edible! I guess the poor girl had never seen white asparagus before and thought that there was something wrong with it.”

 Kaidan chuckled at his mother’s story, all the while hyper aware of the fact that _he’d_ never had white asparagus either. But he owed it to his mother to laugh at her jokes and nod along to the stories she’d told him sixteen times over; she was, after all, the only one actually _speaking_ at the dinner table. 

 As soon as they had arrived, bread rolls in hand and a bottle of white wine under arm, Kaidan and Shepard were immediately directed toward the dining room table and sat down in front of a huge spread of food. Kaidan’s father was sitting in his usual spot, his glass of scotch mostly gone already and his water untouched. He smiled politely at them—told Kaidan he was looking nice and to serve the crab—and proceeded to busy himself with his napkin, barely a glance taken in Shepard’s direction.

 Kaidan would have been more upset at his father’s rudeness were it not for the fact that his silent treatment was just a tad better than what he could have been doing—paying attention to Shepard. Shepard, for his part, was staying just as mute, his attention on the parts of his dinner he could actually eat. He smiled at whatever jokes were told and piped up when Kaidan’s mother asked a question, but other than that he reverted into his usual stoic self.

 All in all it wasn’t going as badly as Kaidan thought it might. He had been having nightmares since his mother’s invitation. Nightmares of Shepard being thrown down the hill by his father and into the English Bay, his father disowning the two of them—again—and probably the most likely of all three, Shepard accidentally lighting his mother’s curtains on fire.

 But there was no Shepard throwing, disowning, or accidental fires.

 Not yet.

 The night was still young.

 “This is really great, mum,” Kaidan said, raising one of his crab legs to his mother as a mini-toast. “Thanks so much for inviting us over.”

 “Uh y-yeah, thanks for having us,” Shepard said, nodding in agreement. He hadn’t touched his crab, instead focusing on easy things like dinner rolls and his Caesar salad.

 “I’m sorry you’re not a fan of crab,” Kaidan’s mother said with a frown. “I asked Kaidan if there was anything you didn’t really like and he told me no. But obviously there was _something_.”

 She sent Kaidan a pointed stare over the rim of her wine glass.

 “It’s not that I don’t like crab, I’ve just uh… well… never had crab before,” Shepard admitted.

 Her brows shot up, and Kaidan caught the blush of embarrassment on her cheeks even before she opened her mouth.

 “I am so sorry! I never thought about that! I mean, of course you’ve never had crab—I mean, not of course, but it’s just—well you know, you’ve never had the chance to on account of it being. Well. You know.”

_Yes, mum, we all know Shepard is poor._

 “Elisa…” his father said slowly.

 “I’m sorry,” she said to Shepard, smile tight with embarrassment.

 “Don’t apologize,” Shepard replied. He was smiling slightly, amused by the social fauxpas. “I just figure I’d stand even less of a chance getting this crab open than Fang Cheng would. And I’ve still got both my arms.”

 Kaidan paused, a chunk of crab halfway to his mouth. Shepard was sitting across from him looking entirely pleased with himself despite the fact that, as far as the rest of the table was concerned, he’d just started speaking in another language.

 That was, until his father found his voice.

 “Are you referencing The One Armed Swordsman?” Kaidan’s father asked slowly. He’d put his fork down, the remains of his carefully dissected crab sitting neatly on his plate as he stared across the way at Shepard.

 Normally whenever he looked at Shepard, Kaidan noted a hint of annoyance or disdain or sometimes a combination of both in his eyes. But this time he was looking at Shepard like he’d just said something as miraculous as ‘cops are valuable and successful members of society, and I for one am sorry for causing them so much turmoil all these years’. 

 “Yeah. I mean yes, sir,” Shepard said. Kaidan could hear him swallow.

 “ _You’ve_ seen The One Armed Swordsman?” he repeated.

 “Yes, sir. It’s one of my favourite movies.”

 Kaidan’s father sat back, mouth hung open. His mother remained poised over her food, eyes darting between the exchange like she was watching an endangered heard of rhinos walking past, and she didn’t want to disturb them.

 Kaidan found he still hadn’t completed the crab’s journey from his fork to his mouth, and quickly shoved it all the way in.

 “What about Meals on Wheels?” his father asked slowly.

 “It’s a classic. Sir,” Shepard added on hastily.

 “The Big Boss?”

“I’ve seen every Bruce Lee film, sir. Have _you_ seen all of them?”

 “I was alive when Bruce Lee was alive, kid. Of course I’ve seen all of them.”

Shepard was sitting ramrod straight, hands at ten and two on the table, fingers curled into tight fists. Kaidan could see his inner-turmoil as the knowledge slowly began to sink in that he had managed to bond with Kaidan’s father. They _liked_ the same thing.

 Shepard had gained the admiration of Kaidan’s father, but also that of a police officer. The rebellious, ‘fuck the police’ attitude was obviously making a valiant attempt at breaking free, and Kaidan could practically hear Shepard blurting out something entirely asinine in order to maintain his reputation. But then he looked over at Kaidan and whatever he’d been about to spout out was quickly swallowed up by:

 “Yeah, Kung Fu movies are my favourite movies. I uh… think they’re cool.”

 Resting his fork on the side of his plate, Kaidan patted his mouth with his napkin and decided to jump in, hoping he could keep his father occupied with thoughts of Kung Fu instead of things like ‘arrest warrants’ and ‘restraining orders’.

 “We’ve got a huge collection of DVD’s back at our place. When John moved in we had to buy an entire bookcase just to house them all,” Kaidan said. “Next time you’re over I’m sure John would be happy to show you them.”

 Both his father and Shepard looked a little startled at the offer.

 “A-and when he lived at his old place his bedroom walls were covered in Bruce Lee posters.”

 “And a Jet Li poster,” Shepard added.

 Ah yes, the Jet Li poster. How could Kaidan forget his intense face staring down at them as they had sex…

 “You got rid of them?” his father asked.

 “They wouldn’t go with the dec—”

 “Kaidan made me get rid of them,” Shepard interrupted.

 Kaidan’s father turned to him, his mouth still hanging open.

 “Kaidan,” he scolded.

 “I said we’d get a new Bruce Lee poster and frame it!” Kaidan said quickly.

 His mother began to giggle.

 “He promised that last year, and yet here I am, no Bruce Lee poster in sight,” Shepard said. He waggled his eyebrows across the table at Kaidan, a pleased little smile on his face.

  _Traitor_.

 But Kaidan couldn’t help but smile.

 “Look, I’ve got a Lee stashed away in the garage. I’ll give him to you,” Kaidan’s father said, returning his attention to Shepard.

 “I couldn’t just _take_ it, sir.”

 “You can and you will,” he replied.

 And that was the end of the debate.

 “Well, now that we’ve cleared that up, how about Kaidan shows you how to tear open your crab?” Kaidan’s mother suggested.

 She was grinning from ear to ear, frizzy, curly hair bouncing slightly as she went back to her own meal with relish.

 Kaidan looked across at Shepard and noted he was doing a horrible job of hiding his own grin.

XX

 “So… who knew that Kung Fu would bring peace to the Alenko household.”

 Kaidan’s mother chuckled. Curling her legs up under her on the couch, she sipped at the last of her wine, cheeks pink with mirth. They had retired to the living room after dinner, dessert left in the fridge for when Shepard and Kaidan’s father returned from the garage.

 The poster, it seemed, could not wait to be seen.

 If you’d asked Kaidan even an hour ago if he thought Shepard going into his father’s garage alone was a good idea, he’d have laughed nervously before admitting that it was probably the worst idea you could come up with. He didn’t relish in losing Shepard to murder and his father to prison.

 But now…

 “I never knew Dad was so into Kung Fu,” Kaidan said.

 His mother shrugged. “He tried showing you movies when you were younger, but you didn’t like how violent they were. You kept asking when they were going to start singing.”

 Kaidan quirked a brow. “What?”

 “It was during your Disney phase,” she explained.

 “Ah, yeah… to be fair, Mulan had just come out. I probably got confused.”

 “Regardless, he’s always harboured a secret affinity for those types of films.”

 “If only we’d both known about the commonality. We could have avoided some of the, uh… weirdness.”

 She finished off her wine and set the glass down on the coffee table. “Nah. Your father would have come up with some other reason as to why he doesn’t like John.”

 “Then what’s changed?” Kaidan asked, hoping for insight into the way his father worked.

 “He just needed time, Kaidan. Your father needed to come to the realization that you are serious about this relationship. I guess he thought maybe it would fizzle out after a while, but now that time has passed and John’s still here… I guess he’s given up.” She smiled at Kaidan. “You won.”

 Kaidan couldn’t help the smug grin that spread across his lips.

 “I won, eh?”

 “Don’t go telling your father I said that,” she said quickly, “otherwise he’ll think up something just to be a stubborn ass about it.”

 “Promise.”

 He was still grinning. So was she.

 “We won,” he repeated quietly.

 “You do realize this means you’ll have to sit through a marathon of Jackie Chan films with your father and your partner now, right?”

 Kaidan’s smile dropped. Again, his mother was still smiling.

 “What about you?” he asked.

 She stood up and smoothed out the skirt on her dress. “I’m a woman, Kaidan, but you’re one of the boys. Just one of the few perks of a sexist society that works in my favour.” Bending down, she kissed Kaidan on the top of his head. “Congratulations. I look forward to many more family dinners with my three boys.”

 Through the power of Kung Fu and crab legs, Shepard had managed to become part of the family.

 It was damn fitting.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading!


End file.
